The Quotable Hitman

"I guess I would like to see two cats f$():’g. That would be interesting."

Tue, 07 May 2013 08:59:07 -0500

“I guess I would like to see two cats f$():’g. That would be interesting.”

- The HITMAN (after asking me if cats have balls…)

"I need a pedicure. My feet hurt."

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 08:35:48 -0500

“I need a pedicure. My feet hurt.”

- HITMAN

"If it’s my sister’s son, does that make me his…uncle?"

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 08:01:10 -0500

“If it’s my sister’s son, does that make me his…uncle?”

- Hitman

I caught Hitman shopping on Sephora during the show for man...

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 08:34:03 -0500

I caught Hitman shopping on Sephora during the show for man makeup. “What? I know that Kardashian dude wears it!”

He is taking his fashion cues from Rob Kardashian. Or Bruce Jenner…

midwesthotmess: this is not in any way an overreaction

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 07:56:48 -0500

midwesthotmess:

this is not in any way an overreaction

thecindykelly: Flurries on April 23 in Wichita, Kansas. My...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 07:56:20 -0500

thecindykelly:

Flurries on April 23 in Wichita, Kansas. My phone is mocking me.

Photo

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 07:50:58 -0500

yoisthisracist: anonymous asked: Yo, when are the CEOs of these big corporations that took all...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 07:46:53 -0500

yoisthisracist:

anonymous asked: Yo, when are the CEOs of these big corporations that took all these huge government bailouts being asked to take drug tests to prove they aren’t spending it all on drugs??

Weird, it’s almost like right-wing assholes only care about that stuff when it’s poor people who have to be held to a higher standard.

tastefullyoffensive: [via] Lol

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 07:46:05 -0500

tastefullyoffensive:

[via]

Lol

Nipples

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 07:45:17 -0500

“I think my man nips are showing. I don’t like that.” —Hitman

She can’t even grow a fungus.

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 08:22:42 -0500

She can’t even grow a fungus.

"I should probably take a shit."

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 07:43:53 -0500

“I should probably take a shit.”

- HITMAN

"It’s not pink. It’s salmon."

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 09:27:03 -0500

“It’s not pink. It’s salmon.”

- Hitman. (on men wearing pink shirts)

"It’s huge on Nick at Nite."

Tue, 29 Jan 2013 07:25:02 -0600

“It’s huge on Nick at Nite.”

- Hitman.

"I’ve had this blackhead on my back for years. Three different wives have tried to get it out."

Tue, 29 Jan 2013 07:24:36 -0600

“I’ve had this blackhead on my back for years. Three different wives have tried to get it out.”

- Hitman.

"All fat b*itch#s have nice nails."

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 08:26:51 -0600

“All fat b*itch#s have nice nails.”

- Hitman

"Like I’m gonna hold a freakin’ orange down to get some juice out of it!"

Thu, 29 Nov 2012 08:24:08 -0600

“Like I’m gonna hold a freakin’ orange down to get some juice out of it!”

- Hitman (his sister bought him a juicer one Christmas)

"So that was our daily 7:30 argument. I love it. I schedule my arguments with you like I schedule my..."

Thu, 29 Nov 2012 08:03:02 -0600

“So that was our daily 7:30 argument. I love it. I schedule my arguments with you like I schedule my sh*ts.”

- Hitman

"I know when they stink. I can feel it. I do! I can feel my farts stink."

Tue, 20 Nov 2012 08:56:11 -0600

“I know when they stink. I can feel it. I do! I can feel my farts stink.”

- Hitman

I asked Hitman how life is like a fart. He said,...

Wed, 31 Oct 2012 07:17:24 -0500

I asked Hitman how life is like a fart. He said, “Sometimes life stinks. Or…one day you’re up and then — poof — you’re down. Or sometimes you just gotta let go.”